Adoption trials and a victory

We don’t talk much publicly about the trials of adoption. Today, in light of what I hope (very much) is a sustained victory, I wanted to share one such trial.

We adopted our second daughter about 16 months ago and have struggled with eating issues since. Nearly every meal has been a significant challenge; every small victory was overturned at the next meal, when in retrospect, she learned that we wanted her to eat a thing, she would stop doing so. It also seems(ed) that if we express joy at her eating, she shuts down.

No consequence seemed to matter. No lasting effect was derived from every variety of approach.

Then, we “stopped trying” (on the advice of an awesome friend who has to employ a similar method with her children on a couple of issues).

Now, bear in mind, we still care very much about her eating. However, we are trying hard not to demonstrate that. Rather, we are trying hard to be nonchalant, to the point of not even setting her a place, and telling her she has to do it.

The effect has been a total reversal of drama. She’s eating. Not as much as we think she needs, but she is eating.

I’m still ‘digesting’ the reasons why this may have happened but it’s so interesting how giving up control of something has been so impactful, so quickly.

Also, another lesson learned/reinforced…ask for help.

  3 comments for “Adoption trials and a victory

  1. Pam
    May 30, 2016 at 3:53 pm

    When we meet them where they are, as they are, we create a path to move forward on. When we determine for them what they need, how they need, when they need we miss the opportunity to connect and travel as respected companions.

    I love how you guys are willing to take a step (or 10) back and let her find her solid footing, of letting her have control over her world. So many changes have happened in her young life, so much out of her control. Letting her navigate it now, fitting your life into hers like this is going to be so empowering for her in so many ways.

    Such a loving way and a great kindness to let go of the small stuff (and almost all of the big stuff is simply lots of small stuff) and let her have this safe haven and time to regroup and recreate.

  2. chery
    May 30, 2016 at 4:19 pm

    Seems like she wants control too. Great job you are doing with her.

  3. Nick
    May 30, 2016 at 4:52 pm

    Amen! We have had the same issues. Now we give them a plate with as much nutritional variety as possible and leave them alone. We hope and watch from a distance but avoid discussing it. Protein has been a challenge for us, besides chicken nuggets they won’t eat meat. So yogurt has been our go to, probiotic are a bonus aswell.

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