We don’t talk much publicly about the trials of adoption. Today, in light of what I hope (very much) is a sustained victory, I wanted to share one such trial.
We adopted our second daughter about 16 months ago and have struggled with eating issues since. Nearly every meal has been a significant challenge; every small victory was overturned at the next meal, when in retrospect, she learned that we wanted her to eat a thing, she would stop doing so. It also seems(ed) that if we express joy at her eating, she shuts down.
No consequence seemed to matter. No lasting effect was derived from every variety of approach.
Then, we “stopped trying” (on the advice of an awesome friend who has to employ a similar method with her children on a couple of issues).
Now, bear in mind, we still care very much about her eating. However, we are trying hard not to demonstrate that. Rather, we are trying hard to be nonchalant, to the point of not even setting her a place, and telling her she has to do it.
The effect has been a total reversal of drama. She’s eating. Not as much as we think she needs, but she is eating.
I’m still ‘digesting’ the reasons why this may have happened but it’s so interesting how giving up control of something has been so impactful, so quickly.
Also, another lesson learned/reinforced…ask for help.